It’s Never Too Early for Christmas Decorations: The Epidemic of the White Woman's Christmas

Everything you read in this article is based on real-world observations and loose facts, and is purely for entertainment purposes. If you are a person who identifies as the following: White/Caucasian, Female, Christmas Celebrator, and are offended by this article, please send your complaints to 123 Elf Road, North Pole, 88888, and an unpaid Rambler intern will get back to you by December 25.

With Halloween having come and gone in a flash, you should be getting ready for the consumer's favorite season. It’s time to brush the dust off your fake Christmas tree, sharpen those plastic icicles, and put that matching red plaid family PJ set in your Target shopping cart, because you need to be ready for the most wonderful time of the year! 

The holiday season is a time for joy, family, hot chocolate, ice skating, getting your tongue stuck to a freezing metal pole, and all of the other fun stuff. But recently, people have noticed that this joyous season has been starting earlier and earlier. Ten years ago, you could walk into a grocery store mid-November and still see Halloween candy and fake leaves on clearance. Nowadays, Christmas music is blasting at full volume on November 1, and the inside of every chain craft store is drowning in ceramic snowmen. This year is no different; if anything, it has gotten worse. Mariah Carey has defrosted, Starbucks is using the holiday cups, and even my very own mother was documented purchasing Christmas sidewalk decorations on October 2.

Yes, you read that right. October 2.

[Photo 1: iMessage exchange between me and my mother (October 2, 2025).

Photo 2: The aforementioned “little lollipop, candy, cane, stripy, looking sidewalk ornaments” from Costco (October 2, 2025)] DO NOT DELETE BEN WE NEED THIS

Listen, I love white women just as much as the next guy. I am in no way trying to create unfair racial or gender stereotypes, but walk into the holiday section of any chain store, and you are unlikely to see anyone else unironically reaching for the giant inflatable Santa Claus to put in their front yard. Male identifying people deal with the holiday season in other ways; you can spot them in local hardware stores trying to figure out how many extension cords and adaptors it takes to power the fifty separate strings of Christmas lights. They are less focused on the aesthetics and more on how logistically they are going to work. The consumerist culture of America almost justifies these purchases: the average American might spend up to $2000 during the holiday season.

All of this goes hand in hand with the rise of “sad beige moms” who make it their goal to remove bright colors from their households, choosing to focus their creative direction on neutral, earthy colors. Some of you might remember the 2023 controversy surrounding TikToker Natalie Powell, who painted her toddlers' colorful green Christmas tree toy with sad, muted tones. Natalie herself identifies as a white woman. Coincidence? I think not.

[Photo 3: The before and after of Natalie Powell's depressing DIY paint job - Inkl News]

The bright colored Christmas decorations of the past are being replaced with “modern, classy, chic” decorations of today. And white women are seen at the forefront of this movement, stripping the color from the world with their unintentional plain maximalism. This begs us to ask the question: What can we do to save the world from the white woman's Christmas?