Things That Make Me Question My Life Choices (A.K.A. Being a Rambler Editor)

1. The page count restrictions. To make a booklet, the page count must be a multiple of four. Otherwise, the back cover will just be one or two blank pages and it will look really stupid. So what happens if the initial page count is not conveniently a multiple of four? Well, if there are one too many pages, I just find a way to rearrange the articles and eliminate the extra page. But if there are too few pages, as in one too few, I find a creative way to fill the space. Hence why I am venting my problems on a random page at 10:36 PM on a Sunday.

   
   

2. The Lower School Faculty Workroom. We use the copier to print new issues because it has the booklet making function. Maybe it’s because the machines are generating so much heat, but it’s always BOILING in there. Last month I walked in with a jacket, hoodie, and hat, and after about five minutes I was sweating bullets in just my t-shirt. They need a fan or some air conditioning, because it feels like sitting in a sauna.

   
   

3. Wrangling small children around a monthly deadline. In case you hadn’t noticed, most high schoolers are professional procrastinators. Even if they are given a deadline with two weeks’ notice plus a one-week extension, they still manage to get their articles in late. I get it, of course, as I probably deserve a medal for the amount of procrastinating that I accomplished up until senior year when I was forced to lock in. But even if I’m feeling sympathetic, it doesn’t change the fact that my work is also delayed when the articles are late. Side note: As I was writing this section, I got an email notification that said -“____ _______ has shared a document.” It was a junior sending me their US History paper for revision at 10:50 PM the night before the deadline. I replied immediately (because they also failed to grant me editing access) but didn’t hear back. Whether or not they actually expected help, I do not know. But they got it, as I was eventually able to get ahold of them through a third party, and I clearly have nothing better to do with my life.

   
   

4. Adobe InDesign. We use it to format issues and it is the DUMBEST PIECE OF SOFTWARE TO EVER GRACE THIS GOD-FORSAKEN PLANET. For an app that boasts the marketing phrase “Design Faster and Smarter,” it sure is slow and stupid. Whoever built the default tool bar had bees in their brain, because there is hardly a SINGLE USEFUL FUNCTION in the ENTIRE WORKSPACE. For example, as I discovered while formatting this issue, there is no “highlight” tool. There is only an “underline the text, and then open the character settings to change the line weight and offset the alignment to make it look like a highlight” tool. And don’t even get me started on the shortcuts. To bold the text, you must use “command + shift + b.” I’m sorry, when has “shift” EVER been a requirement?! You know what “command + b” does? Opens the text frame options. I DON’T NEED THE FREAKING TEXT FRAME OPTIONS. I just want to use the normal shortcut for its normal function that every other editing software has. Screw this company. It’s product is absolute baloney.

   
   

5. Slowly losing brain cells until I eventually fall asleep (which is never). As cool as it would be to come up with an item number five, I think I’ve done enough. I have successfully filled two-thirds of the extra page, and can now insert some student art to occupy the rest of the blank space. Hooray.