The Abridger

The Parking Situation

Early in the morning, during my commute, I always try to get a senior parking spot. But lately, I have been arriving later and later, and there seems to be fewer parking spots than before. Those pesky juniors and underclassmen need to stop parking in our spots! Not only do they park there, but they don't even have the gall to admit it. I have not even seen one of these students walking confidently from their car up the hill on their short stubby legs they must use as a flimsy excuse to park there. When reached for comment no seniors elected to respond. It is clear that we, as a senior class, must take some drastic action to clear out these adjunct cars from our holiest of parking areas. We must once again make senior parking for the seniors and institute the $100 fines for any non-senior caught parking there.

Sports

The Bush School, while throbbing in some sports departments, severely neglects others. The ping pong club, smash team, spike ball ballers, and many others deserve their rightful place in the limelight alongside our more prestigious teams, like cross country. One notorious student commented, “It’s not fair that we are shunned to the side just because we don’t do a productive sport like doubles tennis.” This student is justified in thinking that we need to invest more in these clearly important teams. And while the ping pong club is getting some of the attention it deserves through funding for a new table, this pales in comparison to the budget the “real” teams get. Another individual concurs: “I mean, have you seen how much money it takes to just refinish the floor in the gym? I mean my god.” While they continued to start each sentence with “I mean,” we at the editorial staff of The Abridger elected to conclude the interview there. “But, like, they should really let us compete internationally,” local spike ball baller and smash club clubber rightfully asserted. But it is inevitably up to the Senate to decide this, and we hope they pick the right side. 

Thanksgiving 

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, it’s time to look ahead and get ready to make excessive amounts of food. Today, we at The Abridger bring you the most requested dish made by teenagers at the Bush School: “I Don’t Care.” To properly prepare “I Don’t Care” for you and your family, the first thing you’re going to need to do is drop by Costco, or whatever the closest convenience store or gas station is, and pick up either a bag of candy or chips. Then drive home in your car and consume!

I would like to take a break from this paper to bring you an announcement from our very own bake sale club, which will be once again hosting a bake sale in the foyer of Upper School South. Proceeds will go towards buying the Upper School South building a new name. 

The Bush Senate

Virtually nobody is unhappy with the Bush School Senate. However, many rumblings have been heard in the hallways about how our two-party system, electing only from the students and teachers, should be abolished. It is even enshrined in the Student/Faculty Senate Constitution. In Article II, Section A: Membership, part 1 details the only parties deemed acceptable to this government: “The Senate shall be composed of six members of the Upper School faculty or staff and six Upper School students.” 

One individual says, “We need more parties in our Senate, like a Bush Neighbor’s Party, or a Parents’ Party. And don’t even get me started on the stranglehold seniors have over the Students’ Party,” I, for one, agree with this person. It just doesn’t seem right that only people who physically attend this school should have a voice in the most influential and important administrative process on campus. Some might say that a governing body like this should only be made up of its constituents. I disagree; it should include anyone and every one whom it might affect with any of its decisions.