Advice with M.B.: How to get the PERFECT date for homecoming! [FOOLPROOF TIPS!]

Homecoming is just around the corner, so I’m here to give you the most useful tips and tricks to get the date of your dreams. You deserve only the best, and this list is the singular way to get it. Like and subscribe, kids!

1. Be yourself! When you’re true to your desires, you will present more confidently than if you’re being fake to try and seem marketable. If you’re authentic, the best person for you will find you.

2. Your first instinct may be to choose the most conventionally attractive person available. Do not do this. Instead, it is in your best interest to choose the smallest date you can find. That way, when they try to escape, you can securely place them into your pocket.

3. Honk like a goose as loudly as you can. This is a foolproof method for attracting the Hotties.

4. Make sure to wear more clothes than anyone else at the dance, to assert your dominance. Everyone knows the person with the most clothes is the Alpha.

5. Do not choose your friend as a date. If you do, you will be especially saddened when they inevitably fall in battle. Instead, you should choose your foe to use as a meat shield. A shield of meat.

6. Do not wear a scarf. Scarves are for Fools.

7. Geese. 

8. Do not let Falsehoods dim your light! You are perfect the way you are. Do not be led astray. At least, not before homecoming.

9. You need to have the best dance moves and absolutely own the floor. The best way to do this is to loom ominously in the optimal location. The optimal location is 4.5 inches away from the speakers (so you can show others how cool you are by experiencing sounds).

10. Have fun. No one else will be having fun, and you want to stand out. Always remember, you’re better than the others!

Make sure to follow my advice for the optimal HoCo experience, and have a great time out there! This article has been sponsored by The Corporations.

Signing off for now, 

     M.B. <3